Transformative Wedding

Transformative is a Colin Cowie word to describe a unique experience. This is a man who knows "unique." And when it comes to wedding planning, Colin Cowie is not shy about offering opinions and advice. Why would he be? Often called "wedding planner to the stars," Oprah's friend and celebrities' party planning guru has been at the top of the wedding business for years, sought after by the famous and the wealthy.

Imaginative Romance
You have only to browse his latest, bright pink, coffee table book, Colin Cowie's Extraordinary Weddings, to understand why he reigns supreme in the wedding world.

There's the romantic three-day affair on the island of Capri where roses fell from the sky during the vows; and the operatic evening at the New York Metropolitan Opera House, where the lush Der Rosenkavalier opera set suddenly morphed into a Havana nightclub for the rest of the all-night celebration. And, of course, Oprah's best friend's fairytale wedding in a luscious garden where a towering Sam Godfrey cake replicated the lavishly ornate ballroom.

The Secret of Planning an Unforgettable Wedding
"A wedding is about a fantasy and dreams coming true," he says. Although the weddings he plans and executes are huge, colorful extravaganzas, his secret to wedding success is a very small one. "Love is in the details," he says. This is the man who placed a microphone under the horse-drawn carriage that brought the bride to the wedding garden. All the guests could hear the clip-clop of the horse's hooves that announced her impending arrival.

What's "Transformative?"
A transformative and magical wedding is one where all the guests, as well as the bride and groom and wedding party "are on the same thought level," Cowie says, adding that does not come from a formulaic ceremony.

"A wedding ceremony is a celebration of who the couple really is," he says. The groom must be as involved in the planning as the bride, and they must not be afraid to make their wedding all about them, dismissing protests of relatives and friends who maintain a traditional stance.

"I have advice for the mothers," Cowie says. "It is, 'do exactly what the daughters want.' This wedding is not about the mother. This is about the bride. It is her right of passage, as well. The same with the groom."

"There are no rules" for a transformative wedding, Cowie says, only one very strong guideline. "Good taste should prevail in everything you do," he says. "Ask yourselves, 'Is this going to appeal to everyone? Am I going to offend anyone?' If you are hesitant in your answers, don't do it."

And he's adamant about the one thing that keeps a wedding from becoming a transformative event. "One thing destroys magic," he says. "The most powerful thing we do at a wedding has nothing to do with flowers, food, or the vintage of champagne. It is all about timing!

Improve Your Timing
"Good timing comes from a sense of production value," he explains. Keep things moving along so guests have no time to be bored and the energy continues without ebbing. "Before guests look at their watches, the next activity is taking place," he says.

Achieving that exciting flow is not something that just happens, Cowie insists. It demands attention to details that only comes from detailed planning and full rehearsal.

"You must make a detailed production schedule," he advises the bride and groom. "And it must be minute by minute." His contracts with even the most famous and wealthy clients include his demand that the timing proceed exactly as outlined.

"The bride will walk down the aisle no more than 15 minutes after the time printed on the invitation," he says. "Cocktails are 45 minutes. The dinner is 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Do not keep me on my feet for eight hours. It's about quality, not quantity."

To insure that quality of timing, Cowie rehearses it all, not just the wedding ceremony. The bride must try on her dress multiple times. And there must be a dry run of the entire reception, down to the placement of the plates and centerpieces.

"You do it all in one rehearsal day," he says. And everyone must be there. He means everyone. "You say to the caterer, florist, calligrapher, photographer, all who have any part in this, that you must make sure every person in the wedding event is on the same page at the same time."

Protest the expense of such choreography to no avail.

"You never went to college to plan for this," he says. "Why wouldn't you rehearse? I don't serve a recipe at home unless I know it will work. I don't experiment on my guests."

Creating Innovation That does not mean he advocates sticking to procedures or traditions of weddings past. On the contrary, Cowie encourages innovation and creativity. He is an advocate of cultural connections and honoring families and ancestors.

"Embrace your backgrounds," he says.

He cites as examples the aromatic herb bread baked by a groom, with each ingredient symbolic of the couple's multiple cultural heritages.Guests each ate a bite of the loaf, thus paying tribute to the new alliance. Another couple brought a pair of ducks to invite the good fortune they symbolize in the Korean culture.

A hand-washing ritual before the rings are exchanged can include the mothers who are "washing their hands" of the primary care of their children, as well as the bride and groom who are beginning their lives clean and new.

"The ceremony is an opportunity to get every guest to shed a tear and break into a smile at least two or three times," Cowie says.

To help make that happen, guests must participate in the rituals, Cowie says. At one seaside garden wedding, all guests received a white gardenia, which each placed into a big round garland waiting on the sand, making a wish for the couple. "Then the couple released the entire garland into the sea, giving it back to God," he says.

Simple things can be powerful. Wish ribbons are another Cowie favorite. Each guest receives a length of ribbon on which to write a wish. The ribbons are tied on the wedding arbor, and the vows take place under the good wishes of all the couple's friends and families. After the ceremony, the ribbons are rolled up and presented to the bride and groom.

"Whenever they encounter a tough time in their marriage, they can unroll the ribbons and remember the wonderful wishes they have," Cowie says.

Creating Awe and Enjoyment
The wedding ceremony is about ritual.

The reception is an opportunity for everyone to break bread together, Cowie says, and where people are seated is the most important element.

"A well-rounded bride and groom will make sure they have seated the right people at the right tables. And the food should be fabulous!" The music must not be too loud, as people are enjoying the company of each other.

That enjoyment is extended by the cake-cutting. There can be one large cake, a smaller cake for each table, or individual cakes for each guest. As a nod to couples who want another dessert, he advises at least have a small cake for the cutting. Otherwise, "It can be anything, as long as it's sweet. This is about having that sweet moment."

Unlike weddings of the past, the modern reception does not need to end with the cake. After the dinner, Cowie says, "It's time to take your party to the third chapter." Hire a rockstar or American idol caliber DJ, create a nightclub atmosphere and dance the night away, "until you can't dance any longer."

Then, go home and continue your own fantasy.