And Now...Some Words for the Groom

It's your wedding, too. Gone are the days when the groom's only duty was to rent a tux and show up. Modern and savvy grooms will pay attention to these two words: Get involved!


Ask What You Can Do To Help
Make it your responsibility to handle at least one of the major aspects of planning, such as the reception music and/or the transportation to and from the ceremony and party.

Listen to her but don't be afraid to provide some input and offer solutions to the little (and big) problems that never fail to pop up in the planning process. If you do, she'll be glad she said yes.

Get Dressed
You've got to look as good as you can. Your wife-to-be expects it. So does your family. And there's plenty of new stuff to choose from. Groom's attire can be as formal as a night at the Oscars or as relaxed as an afternoon garden party.

With a climate that's the best in the country, San Diego has become a hotspot for destination weddings, and tourists expect a less formal affair, says Jerry Klein of A Better Deal Tuxedos. "Couples are more confident about what they want," he says. For those garden and beach weddings, his clients are often selecting tan or brown for tuxes and suits.

"Brown came upon the scene about 1 1/2 years ago," he says. "It was Fugu's with a very distinctive stripe that went well with ivory gowns and peach wedding colors. It became a hit, then toned down. But it's back again."

His wife, Janet Klein, credits the Oscars and Grammys for the peak lapel and the classy young Hollywood look that has become the in thing for formal weddings. Ties are still long, she says, although "Some of younger grooms are getting bow ties and tying their own." She has a handout to give them and will also demonstrate that tricky technique on a store manikin.

Anna Williams, manager at Friar Tux, agrees about the Hollywood influence on modern grooms. "Actors were wearing peak lapels with bow ties at the Oscars," she says, adding that her clients shy away from the bow ties in favor of long ties in burnt orange and a wider peak in both pin-striped and black lapels.

Interesting color combinations are the latest thing, Janet says, with white and ivory worn together, where years ago it was not. "It looks very nice," she says, "because if you try to match an ivory exactly, it almost never works."


Who's the Groom?
Some grooms are taking that distinctive style a step further, Jerry says, by choosing a feature that makes his tux different from the tuxes his groomsmen will be wearing.

"It's a step up to reflect his status as groom," Jerry says. Examples include a satin edge on his lapel, or one more button on his jacket than on theirs. To continue his status after the wedding, the groom purchases his tux and the groomsmen rent theirs. "It makes sense," Jerry says, "because he can wear it many times in years to come."

Welcoming the elder men in his family is another newer practice, Jerry says. "The grandfathers are invited to participate in the receiving line and in family photos." Wedding parties are growing, too, with a trend to nominating ushers as a separate category from groomsmen and multiple ring bearers and flower girls to welcome more family members into the couple's inner circle.


The Bride's Gift
Traditionally and still in fashion, the groom presents his bride with a special gift of jewelry on their wedding day. This elegant token symbolizes his gratitude that she has agreed to become his wife.

Cathryn Ramirez, Vice president of Tiffany & Co. says that when a man wants to choose an engagement ring and surprise his bride-to-be, a savvy salesperson will ask lots of questions to help him make the right choice.

"There is a sentimental importance attached to the ring she's presented," Cathryn says, even if it has to be sized afterwards. The same holds true for the gift he chooses for the wedding day. "The salesperson will help you by asking you questions and guiding you through some choices," she says. "But you can do a bit of research first so you are ahead of the game."

Here are Cathryn's research steps for grateful grooms who want to select the most welcome surprise.

• Look at her jewelry; even go through her jewelry box.
• Pay attention to whether white or yellow gold is her favorite.
• Ask her best friend or mother, even, what would please her.
• Does she wear jewelry all the time or only when she's out for the evening? If she's very active, she may not wear jewelry all the time.
• What hints has she given?
• Pay attention to the style of jewelry she currently wears. That will tell you if she prefers simple or ornate.

"Some guys come in with the ring she likes and say, 'I have to get this back in the box today before she misses it.' Or sometimes, they say, 'I put on her ring and it comes to right here on my pinky. What size is that?'" Cathryn says. "There's so much information to learn and jewelry can be a significant investment."

The salesperson's job is to educate you and to put you at ease. But don't worry if you can't decide in just one visit. "Don't be afraid to come in multiple times," Cathryn says. After all, you want your choice to speak well of you.


The Honeymoon
Hey, guys! It's your responsibility to plan the honeymoon. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't get your bride's input before you plunk down the deposit on that great little RV with boat trailer you want to go camping in. Unless you are sure she wants to hike through the forest or paddle her own canoe in the mountain lake, sit down and discuss your trip beforehand.

You can still surprise her with a special suite in the mountain lodge or a first class seat on the plane, even if she's in on the destination.